Hiatus

It has been some time since I last blogged. There was a time when the words never seemed to flow right. Whatever I wrote sounded hollow, artificial, forced. As if it was for a reason and not for the act itself.

But lately the words seem to have resurfaced. With renewed fervor... energy. They seem to be everywhere... teasing, playing, flirting, soothing. I can feel my fingers caressing the keys again, effortless, real. Yes. I can feel what I write and write what I feel. How liberating. How can everything be the same and yet be different at the same time? How can I go from empty in a moment to sated the next?

Now I am overwhelmed with words. So much to say, so little time to say it. Let me try to make the most of it.

the damsel and the devil

"Will you be mine, pretty damsel?", the devil asked.

"Oh, but you are the devil", the damsel sighed, " how can you be capable of love?"

"I would rather not be who I am, pretty damsel" the devil choked. "I do not savor what I do. But it has to be done and it is mine to do. I wish it were otherwise, but the die has been cast. I am who I am and I do what I do. "

"But your sharp horns will hurt me devil, and the fires around you will scorch me. The cold in your home will break my fragile heart."

" Oh, but if you only knew pretty damsel. These fires are the fires that burn my heart, my soul. The horns are the atonement I will carry to my grave. I may be ugly as a beast dear damsel, but my cold heart too aches and grieves and yearns and pains. "

Choices

Life twists and turns in odd ways. The pitch is usually flat and the bat makes contact with the ball and there is an occasional boundary interspersed with a dot here and there. But more often than not, there are ugly curve balls and random speed spurts. How do you deal with these? Do you hold your breath before every throw and hope against hope that it flies straight? Do you cross your fingers and fervently appeal to the pitch-god to spare you this time? Or do you swing your bat at it with all your might, hoping-praying-wishing that you will connect? Of course, if you do not, there is that long lonely walk to the pavillion. And as you walk, you wonder whether you could have swung another way and would that have been your century.

I have played. I have missed. And as I walk back home I contemplate. What mistakes did I make? Can I change? Can I perfect my stroke for the next time around? But that is the deal. Life is full of choices. And you make these choices in the split second when the ball, dislodging itself from the bowler's grasp, makes its way to the stumps at breakneck speed. And as the ball approaches, you think of all the balls you have faced and make a choice. As the ball comes hurtling-shearing through the wind, spinning-hissing through the air, the choice is made, and the bat, as if it had a life of it own, takes control of your arm and weaves and heaves in a hook towards the far end of the field. The bat does not know whether the choice is right or wrong, good or bad... it only knows the choice as it rushes towards the ball.

Maybe it is only possible to make choices and destiny casts the die of right-wrong. Maybe the choice is the prelude to your destiny. It is the old chicken-egg run ... ah well.

...and back

Been gone for a long time. But am finally back... and getting into the rut called life.

Four weeks in Bombay sped by, like it was never there. Life in Bombay was familiar. Same place, same people, same crowds, all same. Just a different perspective. It was like seeing the past twenty years of your life in a new light. Be as it may, it was very refreshing.

So now? Back in State College. And the grind has begun. Only consolation? This grind comes with a paycheck (finally!). Will be back with more interesting stories soon. Until then... drink hard, drive safe and don't miss the SuperBowl.

How does it smell like?

Smells like iamgoinghome!!!

san diego seaworld

san diego seaworld
Originally uploaded by vijitvnair.

We went down to San Diego during thanks giving. This photo is from the "Journey to Atlantis" ride @ Seaworld. I have a theory about adventure parks. You can only enjoy this shit when you are not earning and can't pay for it. Once you start earning, and you can actually buy the tickets, your life becomes worth something (you think) and you just can't bear to be yanked to death by gravity.

San Jose

SJ downtown sunset 02
Originally uploaded by DPTRONZ.

This is where I am right now. Thanksgiving break! Happy Holidays... and a short sojourn from blogging.